This is my life. It breaks my heart, but at this point, I wouldn't have it any other way.
In 2010, I began a romantic relationship with my close friend (we'll call him "J".) After years of dating and hopeless relationships, I had finally ended up with someone that I could see myself actually STAYing with, marrying, having kids, getting older, the whole sha-bang. One major problem, J had an incurable STD. In being with him, I accepted the same fate for myself, but he was the one, so it didn't matter.
One night we were watching one of those shows about haunted places, and I told J that if I died unexpectedly, I would haunt the sh*t out of him. I made him promise that he would do the same if he died unexpectedly. We were sitting in front of the TV eating the dinner we made together, with the bong and a rum and coke zero, just like every other night.
About 2 months later, the tattoo shop I worked at had reached an all time low in business due to this great recession of ours. I was offered a tattooist spot in another shop in Northern California, 9 hours away from J. In a desperate act, I decided to make the move to the new shop up North, thinking that after some months of working on my art and tattooing skills, I would save some money and come back to LA, to move in with J and carry on with life. J had the job of a lifetime in LA, and so there he would have to wait.
3 weeks after making the move, J came up to visit me. We had an amazing day and a half full of affection, giggles, and love. On that last night, we made dinner together, had the bong, the rum and coke zero, and were sitting quietly together watching a movie. J had a heart condition that no one new about till it quickly took his life that night. It was unbelievable watching my lover and best friend drift off into death right before my eyes, nothing I did could fight off that lovely shade of blue. I immediately went into shock which led into Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
A few weeks later I was back in my apartment, crying to J that I knew he was dead, but I NEEDED to know if HE was OKAY. I had this pain in my heart for his "being" ... lost, scared, confused, angry. I wanted to hold him and tell him I was there for him, that I new he was still there. I asked for a sign, a sound, a photographed image? SOMEthing.
So its the following night. I'm taking pictures of my bedroom that I manically re-arranged for days. I was losing my mind. On the sixth photo in an identical sequence, a white blur appears about 3 feet up off the top of the bed. Its curved and clear enough to see through it. I had it analyzed and no one can tell me is dust, or a hair, or anything for that matter. I'll attach it to this story if I can figure out how. It did something for me, some kind of hope..
So after 3 months of hiding in my apartment going broke, I move back to LA, in with my dad. I cant tattoo anymore, because the PTSS made my hands shake terribly. I had to start from scratch, miserable and fighting suicidal thoughts and a hopeless future. Haunted by visions of J's death, and left with an incurable STD that would surely leave me dying alone or settling on someone I didn't love because we were contaminated the same.
I went back to school and was drawn toward Reiki Energy Healing, as it was working "life" energy for healing purposes. I needed to better understand the photo with the white blur that was the last of my lover, and energy work was the only language that seems scientifically logical and testable.
After day 3 of energy school, I drove home, crying out to J for more. I said that I was thankful for the photo, but that I was a skeptic, and I needed something more hard core. My heart hurt for J so much, I new he was still around, and the thought of him lost and alone and scared in the afterlife was a helpless pain that I could hardly bare. I needed to know that HE was OKAY. I Begged him to give me a sign.
THE NEXT DAY, another student (who we'll call N) approached me and said she needed to speak to me after class. I told her that her eyes looked very curious, and she nervously nodded. At the end of the day we sat together on the stairs. N pointed at the tattoo of J's name on my arm and said she couldn't fall asleep the night before, because the vision of my tattoo became lodged in her mind. She felt a sweet presence, like a silly poke, not letting her sleep until she listened to it. It said she needed to relay a message to me:
"I am Okay, its almost laughable that your so worried when its YOU that I'm worried about. There's something you do every time you think about me, and its keeping me from doing what it is I need to do. ... and, I'm worried about my dad, with all his Pomeranian dogs, he's suicidal..."
Guess what! This girl, this N, who didn't know J or I, she answered my question to J from the day prior, then she mentioned his father, who in fact, has a fleet of little paleranian dogs. A few months earlier, while visiting for Christmas, his wife told me he was suicidal and not refusing professional help.
Since then, 2 other skeptics, 2 friends, have each done something very, VERY bad to me, betraying me. Both of these macho men came to me terrified not long after, as they both experienced hauntings in their apartments where they were overwhelmed with terror. They experienced lights acting erratically, Coke Zeros toppling over in the closed fridge, and entities crawling in bed with them, squeaking the springs of the mattress, and breathing down their necks. The presence lingered for about an hour.
I believe J has become my spirit guide. His presence comes and goes, but always leaves a sign, or a warning. Sometimes making me giggle, sometimes bringing an unstoppable wave of tears. I walk with a special calmness now, knowing at the end of my journey, my old friend, my love, will be there waiting for me, to make sure I am not lost and scared, wandering the afterlife alone.
Sent in by Metadia, Copyright 2012
