I was 19 when my demon first raped me. I was traveling with a show, and I lived in a tent. The first night that it came to me, I thought that I was imagining it. I was asleep in my tent when I felt this cool breeze blow right on top of me. The next thing I knew, it felt like hands were going down my pants and they were feeling me up, and then they were inside of me. After a few minutes, I felt a weight on top of me; it pulled my legs apart and then it was inside of me. I had no idea what was going on; all I knew was that it felt like there was an invisible person having sex with me. The first time only lasted about 30 minutes or so.
The next day, I felt confused as to what happened to me that night; I felt like someone had sex with me, but I didn't believe what had happened that night to be real. The next night, I was lying there asleep, when it came back. I felt the weight on top of me and I couldn't move, then it pulled my legs apart again. I tried to close them, but I couldn't. I tried to move, but I couldn't do that either. Then I remember trying to scream and nothing came out of my mouth. By this time the thing was inside of me raping me. I remember trying to fight it off, and it hurt so bad. No matter how hard I fought, the thing kept me pinned down and continued to rape me for another hour.
Morning came again, and I felt like someone beat me up. I was so sore: my arms, my legs, my thighs, my privates......all felt like I was raped. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do. I told myself that it was all in my head and that I had imagined the whole thing; but I was so sad. I couldn't smile or laugh; I cried. I cried all day.
Night came again. This time I was scared. I was scared as hell. We were all sitting around the fire, and everyone was talking, and I just sat there and I stared.....thinking...."was I raped? Will it happen again?" Time finally came when everyone decided to head off to bed. I can remember being gripped with fear that night, but I went to bed. I laid there and a few minutes later, he was there. I started crying, and I tried to scream, but couldn't. I tried to get up, and managed to get halfway up and almost on my feet when the thing threw me down hard. I was completely paralyzed after that. He pulled my legs apart and he got on top of me and he raped me all night long. It was so painful, and I kept saying, "It's not real. It's not real." over and over again.
(With each rape, I could feel it's energy and I could feel myself being drained. After each rape, I would pass out and not wake up til' morning.)
The next day, I was in the worst daze. I couldn't speak but only whisper. The tears wouldn't stop coming. I couldn't eat, speak, or anything. I just sat and I cried and cried and I just stared off into nothingness. I wanted to scream and tell somebody......but who would believe me?
I was terrified all day; then night came.......FEAR......utter fear is what I felt. I could feel him watching me and waiting for me. I sat there and just stared into nothingness, and I was screaming inside of my head. The closer it got to when everyone decided to head off to bed, the more scared I would get. I could tell that my friends were worried. They looked at me with a sadness. They asked me if I was okay, but I couldn't even answer them. Then the time came.....everyone headed off to bed, and so did I.
I wasn't in my tent for even a minute before he was on me. He threw me down and he raped me again. I was trying to fight back, I was trying to kick, my arms were pinned down. I tried to lift my body up, he slammed me down. I tried to scream, but only a whisper came out of me. Finally, after a couple hours, he finished.
The second I could move my body, I got up and I ran out of my tent as fast as I could. A couple of my friends couldn't sleep, and they saw me clamor out of my tent into our common area. I was crying and shaking. They asked me what had happened, but I couldn't tell them. They were ready for bed, and one of them asked if I wanted to stay with him; just so that I could sleep......so I agreed; I didn't want to be left alone.
We went to his tent, and we laid down. I was still crying and I was shaking uncontrollably. He tried to put his arm on me to comfort me, but I shuttered, and he immediately removed his arm. After a short while, I saw a shadow come across the side of the tent, then I felt him inside of the tent. I was crying and I can remember saying, "no more." I balled up as tight as I could in a fetal position; the demon pushed me onto my back and pulled my legs apart again, and was raping me again right in front of my friend. I was crying, "help me". I managed to grab my friends' arm, and I held it as tight as I could. I kept saying, "It's not real." and "help me" over and over again. I started begging for it to stop.....and I can remember how painful it was...........my friend didn't know what to do. He asked me what was happening to me, but I was unable to answer him. He tried to pick me up, and he couldn't. He was scared, and he didn't know what to do. Finally it ended, and by that time my friend was freaked out, but he stayed with me until I was asleep.
The next day was a complete haze.....I felt like I was outside looking in. My friends looked like strangers to me. We had a mirror hanging on a tree and I looked at my reflection. It was someone else standing there; I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me. I hated what I saw......I felt so dirty and ashamed. I picked up a rock, and I started to hit the mirror where my face was, trying to break it. One of my friends saw and came over. She took the rock from me, and she put her arms around me, and I just broke down into endless tears. That whole day I didn't leave the common area. It hurt to walk or move even, so I just sat in my chair and stared and cried; completely catatonic.
That night was Halloween, and my friends went out. I didn't want to go anywhere, or be around anybody, so I just hung back. I tried to walk around a bit, but I felt like this stranger; I felt like a ghost. I went back to my campsite and no one was back yet. I had another group of friends that found me all alone and they asked me to hang out with them. They knew that something was going on with me too, but left the issue alone. That night I stayed with them, and my demon raped me in front of all them. When it was all over, they wanted to take me to the hospital. I had been so horribly weakened from the attack that I was completely lifeless. When I tried to speak, only a whisper came from my mouth. I told them not to take me to the hospital; I was scared. What could they do? Nothing. No actual person raped me.....no......a demon raped me......invisible........but real.
After that night all my friends knew that something definitely was going on with me. No one ever left me alone after that. Also, I had a friend who offered his place up to me, where I was somehow protected from the demon. I slept for a whole week, and wouldn't leave his place except to use the bathroom and to take a shower; and I didn't even do that alone. He was able to get information out of me; he got me to talk a bit about what happened to me. Luckily, I had friends who believed me. They were my safeguard.
There is another part to this story. I am what you would call a "sensitive" to the spirit world. I used to be able to see them all the time when I was little, but I shut that part off when I saw my demon for the first time when I was around 4 or 5 years old. Now, I just feel them, and I'm affected by them. This place that I was in, when the attacks began, had a high spiritual energy. There were a lot spirits there, and they were everywhere. In the beginning I thought that it was just an evil spirit; but I know now that it is a demon. I also have the natural ability to use magick, and my friends taught me how to control it; they were all in the craft, (which I now know didn't help the situation.)
They taught me how to use my "gifts" to perform protection spells and everything of that nature. One big thing they had to teach me was to control it. I was sending all kinds of stuff out there with just my emotions from the attacks. One night I stared into the fire, and just put all of my pain and despair and my hurt into that fire and I sent it out. The following morning, I awoke to my bed on fire. I was lucky to have had water nearby to put it out.
Time came for me to go home, and the attacks started back. I ended up becoming physically ill from it. I couldn't eat meat for a whole year, because it made me sick. Then it got to where every time I ate, I threw up. I also started having severe anxiety attacks that were so bad, people would call an ambulance and I would get sent to the hospital.
Finally after 3 years, the attacks stopped for a while. I met someone and we had an affair. I got pregnant and had a son. When my son was almost a year old, my demon came back, and the attacks started back up.
It's been 12 years now and I'm 31. I have 3 children and my demon still comes and rapes me. There have been dry periods where a couple of months would go by and nothing. But the demon always comes back, and when he does, he stays for a while.
I have learned something amazing though. Four months ago, I met a guy that I work with, that saw in me everything that I have been going through all these years. He is a Christian, and he has helped me to get away from magick. I had to accept a truth; that even though I believed that I was a "natural white witch", I was serving the wrong master. There is only God and Satan, and Satan controls the occult. Once, I understood that, and came to terms with it, I was able to fully turn my heart over to the Lord. Ever since then, I have prayed every day, I read my bible and I seek the Lord. It has been hard, and my demon started attacking hard core everyday: every time I would pray, every time I would read my bible.....attack.
I have been studying the word hard core and seeking him hard core, and he has been giving me so many blessings......Just recently I have been playing audio bible every time that I am alone or when I go to bed; and if I don't get attacked tonight, it will make day 7 of no attack. Since October, I have not had more than 3 days without an attack from my demon. I know that I am doing something right.
Read the books of the Bible; John, Mathew, Peter, Romans, Philippians, Ephesians, and Isaiah.....those are just a few. Stay away from occult sites, they belong to Satan. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. White magick is his too. Google " spiritual warfare" sites; you can also YouTube them. There are free audio Bible sites too. Just Google it. Or just open up a Bible.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
But against the principalities, against powers,
Against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
Against spiritual wickedness in high places.
God is the only way out:
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
Only the Lord can deliver us from evil. It is Satan's great plan to hurt God by destroying us, and keeping us in our misery, and despair. He takes away our hope and our faith, only to keep us chained to him, and away from our God.
Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8
Ask and it will be given to you,
Seek and you will find,
Knock, and the door will be open to you
For everyone who asks, receives,
He who seeks, finds,
and to him who knocks,
the door will be opened
Prayer, and the word of God are our most powerful tools. It is God's battle to fight for us. Just give your heart to him and he will take care of you. Ask him to fight for you. Pray in all things and thank him everyday,even for the small things.
For those of you who read my story, thank you. This is the first time I have ever fully shared my story with anyone. Apart from the people that were with me when the attacks began, only one other person knows the extent of my attacks, because I have always dealt with it in secret out of fear of being put away in an institution. I am sharing my story today, because there are so many girls out there going through this, and there are no answers for them. I'm here to tell you that yes, there is an answer. I thought that I would be bound to my demon forever and for a long time I gave in to it and gave it what it wanted. I am no longer it's prisoner, you can do the same too. It's not an easy road, but it's better than being a sex slave to the devil. I love the Lord and I thank him everyday for never giving up on me, and sending me someone who has become my best-friend. I am not alone and neither are you. The Lord will always be there to pick you up and to comfort you.
STAND FIRM AND DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!
Sent in by Mell